I fell off the wagon...

Soooo... The holidays did nothing for my weight loss adventure and only made things worse. A major set back was my great grandmother passing away a few days before Christmas. I love that lady so much and she will truly be missed. For those that know me, know that I am an emotional eater... I eat when I'm happy, but even more so when I'm sad. At this point I was a little bit of both. My grandmother was in a lot of pain and I wanted so much to see her feeling better, but I had a very very very hard time letting her go. She was and is such an example and inspiration to me. She was the energizer bunny that we thought would never stop, so when she did, it was hard, and found myself lost. Needless to say, I ate a lot. They chose to wait till after Christmas to have her funeral.

So first came Christmas Eve came and we had a lunch with Chase's family and dinner with mine (full course meals mind you) then Christmas day came and we had a nice breakfast as a family then a buffet style dinner with the extended family, dessert included and all sorts of treats and soda and so on... Then my Aunt Val came down for our grandma's funeral and the week she was down here we got together almost everyday, and there needs to be food when family is together... Then came Clayton's birthday- More birthday cake! And then New Years Eve and New Years day then the last day my Aunt was in town we of course all got together, lots of food included. Needless to say I not only didn't loose weight, I put a few pounds!

After Feeling and seeing the shape I was in, I fell into a deeper funk. Then I was offered $500 if I could loose 46 lbs by the first of July. I didn't take it serious at first, giving up on the fight I had started for so many things- my survival, my happiness, my health, my perfect me. As I started to look at myself and see the state I am in, I decided to hop back on the wagon and try again. Not just to "win" $500 but because I am now desperate to feel they way I've longed to feel for so long. So I have been strong and true to my commitment for 5 days, eating smaller and healthier portions and working out every morning. I hope and pray I can be strong and committed to changing and continuing on with my fight to be me!